Today I would like to explore the chemistry between man and woman. The rules of attraction are a lot more complicated & complex than the models that have been used by eharmony & Chemistry.com as I have mentioned in past posts in this series.
Signs of Connection between Two People
Oh, how powerfully the magnet of illusion attracts.
Gutzkow
Carl Jung, the psychologist, created a model ot telephatic connection that I find helpful – the basic premise is that there are 4 different functions. Each of us would be more developed in one function in particular, with 2 auxiliary or less developed functions and another function opposite to the developed (or conscious) function which would be the least developed of all in the psyche. The four functions are as per below:
- Thinking
- Feeling ( the opposite of Thinking function)
- Sensation
- Intuition (the opposite of Sensation function)
Feeling would be my strongest function and therefore its opposite Thinking would be least developed of my functions. When I was young it was difficult for me to access my least developed function Thinking. However by using my auxiliary or side functions i.e., Intuition & Sensation I can work out a relationship within myself with this more deeply unconscious function. It is difficult to initially jump right into the undeveloped function within oneself without experiencing overwhelm of some kind.
Sexual Desire
Intense eye contact
Desperation is like stealing from the Mafia: you stand a good chance of attracting the wrong attention.
Doug Horton
In relationships we are often attracted to those who are developed in our least developed function and vice versa, the psychological way of compensating for that function. However although these traits in another person will be experienced with an attraction, it can also work the opposite way as a repulsion or rejection. As a result many relationships are started with an enthusiasm about certain traits in the partner and end with a rejection of those same traits. Hopefully the end of the relationship could also brings with it deeper awareness of the undeveloped function in oneself & an ability to function better within that area? But most of us are hopelessly unaware and the jury is still out on how much consciousness has been brought to bear on our weak function & how much stronger we may be in that area. If you are on some path of personal development then the odds are much higher!
If most men and women were forced to rely upon physical charm to attract lovers, their sexual lives would be not only meager but in a youth-worshiping country like America painfully brief.
Gore Vidal
So if I had been trying to be aware of traits that I have seen in a partner, within myself, then I have greater possibility of emerging from a relationship feeling more confident & whole. In fact there are more odds that the relationship will not end if both parties are working at this process and supporting each other on that journey.
All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest –never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.
Ann Landers
Many people have done the Myers Brigg assessment which was developed by the Jungians Isabel Briggs Myers, and her mother, Katharine Briggs. You can find further clarification of their model on the Myers Briggs website. The summary is as per follows:
Favorite world: Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world? This is called Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I).
Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning? This is called Sensing (S) or Intuition (N).
Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances? This is called Thinking (T) or Feeling (F).
Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? This is called Judging (J) or Perceiving (P).
Sixteen combinations of these functions can be determined, I am an ENFJ. What is your type?
Body language is a strong sign of attraction
One fool at least in every married couple.
Henry Fielding
There is also a site that features the Jung Marriage Test.
Expression index reflects the partners’ compatibility on the source and direction of information expression (Extraversion – Introversion)
Perception index – on the method of information perception – (Sensing – Intuition)
Processing index – on the method of processing information – (Thinking – Feeling)
Implementation index – on the form of information implementation – (Judging – Perceiving)
Indices\Compatibility
Bad 25%-37%
Unsatisfactory 38%-62%
Satisfactory 63%-86%
Good 87%-100%
The four constituents of the MatchIndex may have a satisfactory or good meaning, thus making the MatchIndex higher and, vice versa, all the four indices may have poor values, thus making the MatchIndex low. Low value for one or more index components supposes the compatibility against these criteria to be a tension point in the relations of a given couple.
For example: If the processing index is estimated as “bad” and the remaining indices obtain values “satisfactory” or “good”, then the MatchIndex may acquire the value of “satisfactory”, however, relations between the partners on the processing criterion are going to be tense.
Now the whole dizzying and delirious range of sexual possibilities has been boiled down to that one big, boring, bulimic word. RELATIONSHIP.
Julie Burchill
This marriage assessment leans towards similarity with differences in strength of those similarities. Again although I can relate to the model of Jungian types, I would disagree with the fact that just similarities would indicate attraction and longevity in a relationship.
On a lighter note, I would like to leave you with a video of a Christian comedian, Rich Praytor on the subject of relationships, very funny…..